What Is The Ego?

What is the ego? The ego is a part of us that is a constructed identity. It is an important aspect that helps us function in the world. However, if we only live from the ego aspect of ourselves (the finite, the partial), we tend to lose touch with our soul (infinite, whole aspect) and the ego grows unhealthy. The ego can grow out of control and become too important / inflated, and we become solely identified with the physical world, our separateness and temporary states.

The Ego Self is created as a mechanism to exist in the world. It can serve you, however it can also create suffering. Nearly all contemplative and spiritual traditions reference this constructed identity:

• In Advaita Vedanta (a non-dualistic school of Hindu philosophy) the ego = ahamkara  (अहंकार), a misidentification with form. This is my favourite description, as to me this is the most accurate. Ahamkara is an illusionary, temporary mental construct created from a limited perspective. It is a construct that wrongly identifies the infinite Self (Atman-Brahman) with only the earthly self; the body and mind. Ahamkara is considered a principle of individuation, the source of a separate sense of existence, and a cause of attachment and suffering.

• In Buddhism the ego = illusion of a permanent self (anatta). Anatta is closely connected to anicca (impermanence) and dukkha (suffering). Because all things are ever changing / impermanent, they cannot be a permanent self, and clinging to them as a self causes suffering. By reducing / giving up the attachment to a false self, you reduce suffering.

• In Christian mysticism the ego = the “false self”

• In Sufism the ego = nafs, which must surrender

When The Ego Creates Problems

The ego is a limited identity that is created to survive and separate. It deeply and only roots in the physical reality. The ego is a functional construct, a mental construct or voice that says 'me, mine, I´, but it is not an eternal, expansive entity. It is the sense of 'I-ness' and 'mine-ness' that comes from solely identifying with the physical elements of your existence (body, mind, and material objects), rather than with the soul self or Atman.

To me the ego is not all bad. A healthy ego is supporting your life on earth with a healthy sense of 'I-ness' and individuation, however an unhealthy expression of the ego is destructive and keeps you from a higher experience of reality. Then indeed this aspect of yourself keeps you stuck in suffering.

An unhealthy ego shows up as resistance, reactivity, defensiveness and an inflated sense of importance. It feels easily threatened, hurt or attacked as it is fragile. It's a part of you that likes to 'keep things the way they are' as it's afraid of change. It doesn't want to face the Inner Shadows to heal and grow as it does everything to avoid pain.

Maybe at some point in your life this expression of ego might have been useful to survive, however consider it a plant that grew out of control and it's time to weed it out and plant new seeds. This part is eventually more destructive than constructive.

"The ego doesn’t feel safe in the world, because it’s built on only the material and not the eternity of the Soul Self."

Since the ego doesn't want to change and experience the pain of growth, it will do everything to resist. Resistance can show up as 'not hearing something' or 'a sudden fatigue' that makes you turn away from the topic of growth. The unhealthy ego is perfect in sabotaging any soul growth progress. It will do anything to avoid any pain.

It also needs badges of status and power, or control over others to feel safe. It needs to feel important, better than others and feeds on attention and worship. However deep down it knows it's a false and temporary construct.

The ego wants to know. The ego projects. The ego doesn't want to see truth. The ego wants to hear names. Familiar names and names that matter in society. Why? Because it’s looking for safety. That’s all this truly is. Therefor the ego loves:

• Names, roles, labels

• Praise and criticism

• Comparison and contrast

• Recognition and rejection

• Approval: “You’re special / good / talented.”

• Disapproval: “You’re wrong / bad / a disappointment.”

• Attention: being seen, admired, or even attacked

• Comparison: being better, worse, chosen, excluded

• Uniqueness through separation and judgement (I'm better than you, it's good or bad)

• Validation through reflection (“I am someone because you see me as someone”)

All of these confirm existence. The ego doesn’t just seek positive reflection, it seeks distinctive reflection. So it may prefer:

• Being special rather than ordinary

• Being misunderstood rather than unseen

• Being a 'problem' rather than nothing

This explains also addiction to drama, clinging to suffering and the need for spiritual specialness.

 In the waves of light shining truth on the illusion the ego has no choice but to dissolve.

The ego doesn’t feel safe in the world, because it’s built on only the material and not the eternity of the Soul Self. That’s why it feels fragile and needs all the material things and status and validation to feel safe. The best is to have compassion for the ego, your own and the ones of others. In the waves of light shining truth on the illusion the ego has no choice but to dissolve.

With change / growth the ego part dies / dissolves as it's no longer needed. Without change it feels safe with what it knows, even when the situation is uncomfortable or damaging! Accepting change means this part is no longer necessary and it can be let go of, so of course it will resist.

So what does the healthy ego look like then?

The Healthy Ego

Where the unhealthy ego is validated from the outside, the healthy ego / sense of self is validated from within. With this it's solid instead of fragile. And while it still also roots in the physical reality it can still co-exist with the Higher Self, serving the Higher Self rather than dominating. The healthy ego is an aspect that works as a supportive interface between you and the world. It separates you and outlines who you are. You're not completely merged with this identity though. It gives you clarity on yourself and helps to define yourself and to separate you from others. It helps you to find your place in the world. With a healthy ego you can easily live an authentic life. You stop being reactive and can reflect before you act. You respond instead of react. You go from wanting to allowing. You surrender to the infinite nature of life and at the same time the constant transitions as no moment is the same. You go from doing to being.

A healthy sense of self also has a lot to do with healing your Inner Shadow.

The healthy ego is an aspect that works as a supportive interface between you and the world.

The Ego & Spiritual Truth

So the ego needs to be somebody, ideally somebody special. The ego says, "if I'm not this story, I am nothing". So it clings, identifies and acts from fear as deep down it knows it is an illusion. Spiritual truth threatens this because it says: “We are universal, not exceptional. We are all one, not separate. I'm inherently worthy of love, I don't need to earn this. I'm everybody and nobody." When we go through the spiritual awakening process, our consciousness / awareness expands and the unhealthy ego cannot survive this. It will need to surrender. The ego fears awakening, as from the ego’s perspective:

• Awakening = surrender = loss of control

• Love = loss of boundaries

• Truth = loss of narrative

• Unity = loss of relevance

In order to avoid surrender to divine truth in the awakening / reconnection process, the ego goes to fear-based strategies:

• Avoidance (“This isn’t for me, this is ridiculous, I don't need this”) Spiritual bypassing (“I’m already there”)

• Inflation (“I’m chosen / awakened / superior”)

• Intellectualisation (“Let’s talk about awakening”)

This is why spiritual practice often increases fear before it resolves it. Awakening feels like annihilation, surrender feels like extinction and silence feels threatening. In a way this fear is based in truth, as the unhealthy ego does dissolves / surrenders /"dies". As Ramana Maharshi put it: “The ego dies only to be found never to have existed.” True spiritual practice is very humble. If you look at the great teachers and saints, they all are humble, in a state of surrender, love and trust. They have touched the Light within and know they are safe in the embrace of the universe, as physical experiences cannot truly touch or damage the Soul. The (unhealthy) Ego says: “I know I exist because you see me.” The Soul Self says: “I know I exist because I am aware.”

The Healing Movement

So how can we transition from an unhealthy to a healthy ego? The transition will happen naturally when you're ready. Wanting to force things is again control / ego, allowing and surrender comes from the soul. That being said: the trick lies in to stop feeding the unhealthy expression and catch it when it shows up. When this part shows up just sit with it, you don't react to it but let it flow through you but you don't feed it, give it any power or attention. Rather you give it up. Soon it will get smaller and quiet, until it dissolves and only the healthy ego structure remains. In this process of surrender you move slowly from control to trust, from reactivity to the ability to respond. Our healthy ego is just an identity to serve the world and help people label you that need this still. You're not too attached to it though.

Sometimes the ego can also suddenly break; when faced with a suffering that is so great you just have to let it go and give it up as you simply cannot carry it, when you're in the presence of a divine being and touched by grace the ego self also can suddenly dissolve. In order to catch the ego you have to feel and turn within. You become an observing awareness of yourself and you work with the unfolding of your life. You are always present. In a world that is designed to constantly take us away from ourselves this is truly a wonderful achievement, one you can feel proud of. Society is built to distract you from this process and likes to keep you dependent on outside validation, this drives the economy.

Society is built to distract you from this process and likes to keep you dependent on outside validation, this drives the economy.

Do You Hear The Call?

If you’re ready to free yourself from old fears, deepen your soul connection, heal your ancestral lineage and step into your power, check out my guided meditations, upcoming workshops, or join me for a private healing session. 

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