How to recognise healthy love
Updated: Nov 24, 2022
For many of us, our parents were not the best role models when it comes down to healthy romantic love, simply as they themselves didn't have good examples either. So let's forgive them! How about society? In some movies, magazines, and media outlets you sometimes encounter wonderful examples of healthy love (the movie 'ABOUT TIME' for instance), however there are plenty of storylines out there that showcase the opposite of healthy relationships and expectations. So how are we to know what healthy love looks like? I've had to go through plenty of lessons and read a fair share of psychological literature about it, and to be honest I still feel like getting there!
Without further ado hereby some guidance to help you gain better insights and understanding if you're dealing with a keeper, or if you should politely step out of the dance.
Healthy love shows up as:
⊹ Making you feel peaceful, relaxed and calm
⊹ Unconditional mindset: "I’ll love you also when...”
⊹ A partner doesn’t claim; knows that only what’s meant for them will stay so there's no need to force things, worry or control
⊹ Slow pace in dating sequence (becoming friends first): patience and no rush, because doesn’t come from neediness / isn't need based. Comes from trust that if the person is meant to be, it will unfold
⊹ Securely attached (earned or grown up with)
⊹ Coming from a place of personal fulfilment:“I am complete and you’re a beautiful bonus"
Therefor also doesn't completely fall apart when the relationship ends
⊹ Keeping a healthy independence and personal identity within relationship, doesn't become too 'symbiotic'
⊹ A sense of healthy autonomy in the relationship
⊹ Feeling comfortable to set healthy boundaries, knowing this is an investment in the relationship
⊹ Being patient with a partner
⊹ Being compassionate towards a partner
⊹ Allowing (coming from a place of trust)
⊹ Willing to compromise, compromises without drama or retaliation
⊹ Supporting in initiatives and wishes within possibilities
⊹ Acting from the heart, not from an agenda
⊹ Encouraging career development, personal development and meeting people
⊹ Your success and growth is celebrated not criticised or neglected
⊹ Caring from a place of love, selflessly without an agenda, truly wanting to uplift, support and make the partner happy
⊹ Being kind and loyal: "If I hurt you with my behaviour I only hurt myself"
⊹ Being transparent: knows transparency creates intimacy and trust, which creates connectedness, love and a good bond (secure attachment)
⊹ Actively investing in the relationship and cherishing it
⊹ Communicating openly
⊹ Daring to love and to receive love